Testing
by ICanStopAnytime
Summary: Eric and Tami get a little pre-marriage counseling. A light one-shot.


**A/N:** _This stand-alone short story was drawn from a longer work I removed from the archives over a year ago to salvage parts for a book I was working on at that time._

 **[FNL]**

"You said we didn't have to get any special permission to get married at your church," Eric grumbled. Eric had been raised Catholic, while Tami had been raised Baptist, and they had decided – which is to say _Tami_ had decided – to get married in her mother's church.

"They're just requiring that we attend three pre-marital counseling sessions," Tami insisted. "Just _three_."

Because Tami's single mother was rather fundamentalist, Eric expected the same thing of her church. He thought their pre-marital counseling sessions would involve a lot of scripture reading and maybe a little talk about how Tami should be prepared to submit to her husband. Eric was looking forward to her reaction to that one, but the sessions proved to be practical.

Pastor Joe had them sit on his office love seat, and he wheeled his chair out from behind his desk to face them. He was an annoyingly cheerful man who reminded Eric of Mr. Rogers. During the first session, he asked them to outline their "financial goals and values." Eric made it clear he didn't like debt. "College loans, okay," he said. "Mortgage, okay. But I don't ever want to carry anything on a credit card or get a car loan either."

Later Pastor Joe asked, "And what about kids?"

They wanted two children, they agreed, four years apart, _after_ they had finished college (they had two years left), established their careers, _and_ bought a house.

"Yes, well," Pastor Joe said, "bear in mind that fertility starts to decline in your thirties and especially after thirty-five. God's timing may not precisely match your own."

Then he asked them to make a list of how they were going to divide the household chores and handed them each a pen and a legal pad. This resulted in a small squabble and an eventual compromise.

At the second session, the pastor gave them two pages of typed information about sexual intercourse, because of course they weren't supposed to already be having it. Eric suppressed an embarrassed laugh.

Pastor Joe left them alone in his office to discuss the information. When he returned, he said, "It's amazing what couples _assume_ about one another before they get married, without it ever being _said_. Better to enter a marriage with _realistic_ expectations, I think. Take sex for instance."

Eric shifted in on the love seat, and Tami reached out and took his hand.

Pastor Joe swirled lightly in his chair. "The man typically wants it more often than the woman. So couples need to reach a compromise. That usually involves the man settling for less, and the woman making an effort to get in the mood occasionally even if she's initially not. Sexual incompatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce, so it's important for couples to make sure they maintain a healthy sex life."

Eric glanced at Tami.

"Adultery, of course, is a major cause of divorce, as is overuse of pornography. Then there are fights over money, conflicts over child rearing, and competing career goals. And there's also the issue of spiritual incompatibility. You're Catholic, aren't you, Eric?"

"Yes, father. I mean…pastor."

"And Tami is Baptist. So have you two decided where you'll be going to church?"

Eric and Tami glanced at each other.

"Uh…well…." Eric muttered.

"We're planning to try a number of denominations," Tami said confidently, "so we can see where God is leading us _as a couple_."

Eric blinked.

"Okay…well…" Pastor Joe said, "just be careful not to become a consumer of churches. Being a part of a church family is like being a part of a real family. You have to learn to take the good with the bad."

As Eric drove Tami back to her mother's house (he was staying with a friend until the wedding), he asked, "We're church hopping now?"

"Oh, I just had to say something to shut him up," Tami replied. "Let's go park down by the lake and fool around."

 **[*]**

Before their last pre-marital counseling session, Pastor Joe made them take a Myers-Brigg Personality Test. Tami had fun taking the test, but Eric thought it was pointless. "My priest would never have made us do anything like this."

"Your priest has never been married and never had sex," Tami said. "So I really don't think he should be counseling us anyway."

Now Pastor Joe hand them the results and sat down in his office chair. "They say opposites attract, and apparently they do." He grinned. "But then they sometimes spend the next twenty years repelling each other."

Eric glanced down at his paper, which said ISTJ, and then glanced at Tami's, which said ENFP. "It's just a bunch of letters," he grumbled.

"Well, yes," Pastor Joe said, "but the letters stand for something. Eric was very near the borderline with some of his letters, but the **I** and **E** differences between you two are pretty noticeable. When an introvert marries an extrovert…well…you have to find a way to balance that."

"Balance what?" Eric asked. "We get along great."

Pastor Joe smiled. "Yes, I'm sure you do. I doubt you'd be getting married if you didn't. But there's going to come a night when Tami's going to want to go out and socialize, and you're going to want to stay in at home with just her. And then there's going to come another night like that, and another, and another. And there's going to come a day, Eric, when you're going to be zeroed in on some narrow interest of your own, and she's going to feel like you aren't paying enough attention to her."

Tami laughed. "I think that day's already come. You should see him watching football."

Eric shook his head. "Sounds like a bunch of New Age nonsense to me. I'm surprised you're into this stuff, Pastor Joe."

"Just listen to him, Eric," Tami said. "I learned about personality tests in one of my psychology classes. They can be very helpful."

Eric looked at the explanation sheet. "It's totally inaccurate," he said. "It says my ideal career choices are accountant, lawyer, and statistician. How _boring_. I wouldn't _ever_ want to be _any_ of those things."

"Well, don't worry about the career choices, Eric," Pastor Joe told him. "And like I said, you were very near the borderline on some of your letters."

"Look at what's on my career list," Tami said. "Psychologist, counselor, politician. Hmmmm….I never thought of being a politician."

"Judge," Eric grumbled. "Mine also says judge, police officer, and school principal."

"Ooooh….I might like to be a school principal," Tami said. "That could be fun."

"The point, Eric," said Pastor Joe, "is that you would do well in a position of authority."

Tami laughed.

"I don't even have authority over my wife-to-be," Eric joked.

"You know," she said, "football coaches are in a position of authority. Maybe you should think about that."

Eric pointed to his sheet. "Referee. It says referee. It doesn't say football coach."

"Eric, my purpose in giving you the test was not to help you choose a career. It was to help you and Tami understand your personality differences so you can prepare for the conflicts that might arise from that."

Tami peered at Eric's sheet. "Reserved," she read. "Favors traditional structures. Well…that's true." Eric grunted. "Strong sense of duty," she continued, "family-minded, loyal, faithful, dependable. You place great importance on honesty and integrity." She smiled. "I like that. I can live with that."

"It says I'm uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion towards others," Eric grumbled. "That's totally inaccurate. I tell you I love you all the time."

"Well," Tami said, "I think it means with people you aren't going to bed with." Then she clasped her hand over her mouth and glanced with embarrassment at Pastor Joe. "I mean, aren't _going to be going_ to bed with."

Pastor Joe cleared his throat. "Y'all are losing focus here. I wanted you two to talk about your personality _differences_."

"Oooh…" Tami said, "Mine says I'm warm, enthusiastic, and bright." Eric nodded. "Great people skills," she continued. "I live in the world of possibilities, and I can be very excited about things."

Eric smiled and chuckled.

"ENFP's may go through several different careers in their lifetimes," she read. "ENFPs can have trouble remaining happy in marriage." She frowned. "Because they are always seeing possibilities, they can become bored with reality. Strong values can keep ENFPs dedicated to their partners, but they crave excitement and fit best with a mate who is comfortable with _change_ and _new experiences_." She turned warily to Eric.

He smiled. "I'm very comfortable with new experiences," he said.

"I don't think they mean _those_ kind of experiences, sugar." She looked back at the sheet. "Sometimes an ENFP will want to be their child's best friend," Tami read, "and sometimes they will be authoritarian. This can cause confusion. A child of an ENFP can see his or her parent as difficult to understand." Tami tossed the paper on the pastor's desk. "I don't like this," she said. "I don't like my description."

Pastor Joe rubbed his face and sighed. "You know what?" he said. "Let's just close this session with a prayer."

 **THE END**


End file.
